I won't close my eyes

It is eery, a sort of silence that once again pits me against the incessant tick tock.  T-minus my life and counting....  I can win this fight, I have the chops.  I am 90oz. deep.  Who counts this way?  People who drink 40's that's who!!  A sip, a digression.  You know what is annoying?  explaining yourself.  If I had the intellectual prowess of a James Keenan I would have long ago shot myself in the face. Digress?  I do.  There was a point to this charade, however, it was long ago forgotten.  

ONE.
there is.
Judgement does not exist.
LOVE.
arbitrary.
bring your hammer.


Have faith in me.  well, that is the easy part isn't it!  Step up for once!  Unless you are not in it for the long haul.  If that is the case then leave me hear with my thoughts.  Make the move or move on. 

Walls are for breaking. Libations for indulging. Do not say that you like "certain versions of me"  There is me, all of me, always.  I will never change.  I have dodged bullets, compressed babies dead hearts without success, operated on young and old, killed bad men, written college term papers, and rescued cats from trees (among other things) to be EXACTLY who I am and I WILL NOT change now.  I am proud of the person that I am. Forged in fire, crippled by loss.  Humbled by grace, fortified by victory.  I am the product of all of my triumphs and defeats.  I will not apologize. 

sigh.

 Wish I died instead of lived. I hate the mirror.  medals adorn the walls of this hollow thing I refer to as a home.  Write ups protesting A HERO RESIDES HERE!   bullshit!  These words are as hollow as the walls they are mounted on.  The true heroes are warm, for they are comforted by six feet of soil. Valor?!   The words "I love you" as spoken by my 9 year old niece mean more to me than "you fought with valor" could ever mean from any general!  Your medals are arbitrary at best.  Politics.
I had a point. 
Fuck it.... let's go bowling.