Let's talk about how bipolar American woman are for just a moment....
Now before you get all pissy with me, I am not referring to some medical condition resulting from a chemical imbalance (no I didn't have to look that shit up!) I am about to say something very in-tune with how chicks think. First, They don't like to be called chicks.
Hold on, I just got a text from a lady friend of mine.... Okay, I'm going out for a while, don't wait up kids, I will pick this up in the am.
Refreshed, or at least as refreshed as one can be after not getting to sleep until 3am. Now before your minds start trying to put two and two together, the only thing that I got on top of last night was a large pizza. What if that wasn't the case though? What if I actually had an ounce of what cool people call game? I get to tell the story to my buddies and receive accolades ranging from jealousy to high fives, man I love me a good high five. That lady has a slightly different experience however. We all know the euphemisms affixed to the female that has frequent relations our of wedlock. We know that there is a negative stigma attached to such a person. Why is that? These women should throw the shackles of sexual oppression aside and then promptly meet up at my place for a discussion on weather they prefer back massage to foot massage. Not going to happen? Well it was worth a shot wasn't it. Now I'm not trying to be a feminist here, but women have a rough go at it these days. I'm not saying that things are all bananas and dancing with toothbrushes for us guys but in the world of courtship, sex and relationships today's woman are faced with a divergence of pretty epic proportions. More is expected from woman than ever before, and in turn, more is expected of the men that they would choose to be with.
The aforementioned female is a perfect example. Now before I start down this road I need to make it clear that this person is a friend. I enjoy her company for many reasons but as far as my knowledge on the subject goes we are simply friends. She is in my opinion a rather successful woman, she has a very good job, her own place and is in awesome shape. She recently turned 30 and to my understanding of things was also recently divorced. This woman clearly does not need someone to open a car door for her. She is independent, well educated and very capable. That being said, it doesn't mean that she doesn't want someone to open a car door for her. This is where we get a little confused and I will admit, a little frustrated ladies. You see, we enjoy opening that door for you. And up until recently it was considered to be chivalrous. Now days certain people look at such a gesture as oppressive or at best unnecessary. We know it is unnecessary, you have arms, but we enjoy doing little things that make you smile. It's okay though, we will figure it out.
So you want a guy to kill a spider for you without hesitation, that seems easy enough. What else? You want a guy who is strong and confident but willing to except indecision, okay. You need to feel like you are in control and independent but you would rather us decide where to eat tonight.
This is starting to sound more like an argument for why guys are having a tough time figuring things out, but really it comes from this power shift in the past few decades. For generations women were looked at like subordinates in our society. They were not allowed to vote, most of them didn't have jobs, much less careers. Women have never been any more or any less important to the world than they are now, the paradigm just shifted. Now that women hold powerful positions in major companies their is a feeling that they have to prove themselves worthy of playing with the boys while all the while maintaining their feminine reserve. If they don't then they are labeled. I'm not saying that shit is right, I'm just saying that is how it is. My female friend mentioned above has a mouth that would make most of my Navy Seal buddies blush. As a result people formulate an opinion of her that they likely wouldn't if I said the exact same things. So now she has a choice, conform to the social mores or do her own thing. Here is the rub though, when we put ourselves too far out of what society deems acceptable then things become difficult. If a woman is promiscuous, the thought is that she will have greater difficulty finding a good partner. What the fuck is that?? It's absurd that's what it is!
Look ladies, the reason why your selection in men is limited to a bunch of skinny jean wearing, indecisive, weak wristed man boys is because you have been giving mixed signals. You say shit like, Johnny Depp is amazing. Really? Fucking really? That guy couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag if he had a box full of ninja weapons! So, feeble minded men everywhere mimic Johnny's worst attributes in hopes of getting your attention leaving us with an army of men that sit down when they pee. That's not your fault though. It is a result of you trying to find yourself in this previously man-dominated world. Women are coming into their own and that is a great thing. But just like anyone in their adolescents, you're trying to figure shit out. You have no idea if you want the pizza or the hamburger so you say fuck it, I've been without for so long that I WANT BOTH! and that is how hamburger pizza came to be. You gluttonous little vixen you! You want a man that will hold your hand and give you his jacket when you are cold, yet you still need a man that will beat the shit out of a guy that grabs your ass in a bar. You don't need his wallet anymore, hell most women make a lot more than I do, but you still want him to pick up the check because it says I can support you.... not that you need it, we know, we know.
Ultimately that is what it comes down to, support. Support, warmth and security. Women desire a man that can support them, provide them warmth and security while simultaneously allowing them to be a primary contributing part of the relationship. I for one am up for the challenge. I've already got the part about beating up the asshole in the bar down, now I am working on the holding hands part. I know that we are not there yet ladies but we are trying and if you are patient it will be worth the wait I promise. In the mean time, try getting your shit together like my friend!
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