A dark shadow casts itself over my shoulder. Hunger pains are no match for my lack of appetite. My desire for anything resembling progression is halted. It is important to remove this knife from my back before laying down. The previous posterior wounds are still coagulating and now I must make mend on this new gaping hole.
I'm not sure if it is rage that consumes me. I don't believe that it is. It feels much more like betrayal. Et tu Brute? There is no concept of loyalty in the world I have found myself in. Litigious words replace personal integrity and certainly any form of what I would constitute as dignity, silent or otherwise. What a sad, pathetic person that has no concept of honor, of loyalty of commitment. An individual that will so quickly dispense of those who have fought their fight when they would not, and done so with verve and allegiance, is an individual no doubt destined for a life of solitude. I believe that this is why I do not feel rage. I feel a degree of pity on such a person. The saddest state is passing these character traits off as brilliance. There is nothing brilliant about a person whose actions are driven entirely from emotion.
I have, for years, been looked upon as dull because of my outward appearance and the path in which I have traveled. I decided to forgo college in my late teens to serve my community. I later served my nation in it's time of need. The assumption here is that such a person is not capable of challenging a "learned" individual in a battle of wit. This is a fact that for some time I have used to my advantage. It has caused people to expect little from me in an intellectual capacity. While I do not necessarily consider myself brilliant, I have learned a few very valuable lessons during my time on this earth.
Lesson 1- Control your emotions, do not allow them to control you.
Have you ever had a person throw a coffee mug at your mug? Now I am not one to say that violence doesn't solve anything, quite the antithesis really. However, in order to be effective violence must be calculated just as any other action must be. When our emotions dictate our actions there is little hope that the product will be favorable.
Lesson 2- be kind but have a plan to kill everyone in the room
This follows the old quote, "Speak softly and carry a big stick"
Lesson 3- Choose your battles.
To state that this fight is not worth fighting is not the statement of a coward, rather that of the most
courageous of soldiers. Stand up and fight when it is time, fight with the whole of your convictions. Yet all too
often we are drawn into fighting battles that will in no way lead to a better version of ourselves, a better
outcome for the ones we cherish, the ones that need protecting. This is the result of pride. Pride is a powerful
companion and an even more destructive foe.
Lesson 4- take the high road
This is more than just a nugget passed down from my father, this is a fucking gem of nearly unparalleled value. When I was going through my divorce (please note that I have never actually been married, but thanks to the common law in Colorado she was entitled to take what she wanted.) I really wanted to fight back. I wanted to attack that person because of the way in which they attacked me. When I spoke to my father and he told me this lesson I didn't fully understand it. It took seeing the reaction of people over several months to grasp what he was saying. For the most part people understand what is going on, there is no need to go around spreading venomous rumors or slander about a person. Their own bitter words will come back on them. People are smart enough to see these patterns and avoid these people. Time and logic can truly be your friends! Be steadfast in the face of vicissitude.
Lesson 5- No matter how big and bad you think you are, there is someone bigger and badder!
This rule in it's simplest form comes down to humility. Just because you are great at making spreadsheets does not mean that you are superior in a comprehensive sense. Just because I can pick up 3 times my body weight doesn't mean that I am a better person. I am a better person, but my dead lift has nothing to do with it really.
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